What My Chinese Language Learning Abroad Taught Me About Myself: A Reflection on What is Changing

Yesterday, I had an epiphany about how my Chinese language learning has amounted to much more besides how many grammar structures and characters I have learned or whether or not I have refined the four basic skills (speaking, reading, listening, and writing).  Learning Chinese here in National Chengchi University has taught me the value of patience with myself because I don't think I learn as fast as I think I do. In other words, the more I attempt to learn this language, the more humble I feel. For you see, the minute I think I have mastered learning a set of characters or grammar structure, the more I realize that I have not really learned everything. I have only mastered part of the picture. Moreover, I have come to realize that learning is not about winning but it is just that learning. I had the tendency to think so much about what I have accomplished in terms of grades that I sometimes forgot the bigger picture. The bigger picture is forgetting to notice what I am really learning and how much I am learning. It seems though that I rarely give myself credit for learning but more for getting it right the first time. I suppose it's how I have been influenced.

"I often tend to attach meaning to grades and other forms of positive reinforcement as a reflection on what I am capable of and the hardest thing to do is letting go of that belief."

Having thought about these feelings, I have started to experience a sort of disillusionment with what I have always believed. If you aren't making good grades, then you aren't learning anything. Henceforth, you have wasted your time and what you're doing is not amounting to anything. The truth is the exact opposite. If you aren't focusing on your learning, naturally you are not going to make good grades and you won't learn anything. You can make good grades and not learn anything at all. This belief system that I have adopted fulfills me in multiple ways because it allows me to set measurable, achievable goals and at the same time achieve much more than just good grades. It allows me to absorb and retain what I have learned and put it all to application. Secondly, this belief system I have adopted makes me feel much more at ease with myself. It makes me feel that learning is not just about competition but about what you gained and what it means to you. It is about making your experience meaningful to you and letting your learning inspire you in ways that you may never imagine.